*sigh* Here we are again… Look, I don’t have the energy for some witty intro, or a hilarious play on words, I’m just getting straight to the point – the Emmys are fucking broken. The industry is fucking broken. My soul is fucking broken.
So the big question is – can any of this be fixed? Not really. It would take a lot to bring the Emmys in line with where they should be, and even then it still depends on people who are eligible to vote to actually give a flying fuck. So again, no this can’t fixed easily, or at least right now.
This Goes To Ten..
For years many critics have cried about how in the era of peak TV all categories should have ten nominees. Sounds simple huh? More nominees equals a better chance for overlooked shows and performances to get a look in, right? Not so fast. Voters like to rubber stamp their votes, meaning they vote for exactly what they voted for last year, and the year before that, and the year before that… so upping even just the series categories means more chance they’ll rubber stamp the first six as per usual and then just pick another random four from the list. There’s no guarantee they would put any thought into those choices, because they don’t do that now! This was brought to my attention by the fact that the Emmy ballots this year went out in a randomly generated order. So instead of being listed from A-Z some categories went from Z-A, A-Z and in some cases started from the middle of the list. Why? Because voters are too fucking lazy to actually scroll through the mass amount of names per category. But in their defense the ballots are getting way out of hand, and I’ll get to that in a minute….
Until we can ensure voters are actually taking their duty seriously you could have twenty nominees and it would still result in the same thing over and over again.
Guess Again Bitch
This year’s Emmy ballots were just out of control. The performer categories spanned a ridiculous 437 pages. Don’t believe me? Check it out RIGHT HERE. That’s fucking unreal! The Supporting Actor in a Drama list alone was a staggering 67 pages long! SIXTY FUCKING SEVEN! As much as I love television even I didn’t scroll to the end of some of these lists, so why the hell are you going to expect the busy people of Hollywood to?
Now while I applaud the studios for getting behind their shows and performers, even the most supportive people have to look at some of these submissions and laugh. I mean really guys – Fuller House? Sharknado? Seriously? Not only are you wasting my time, you’re also wasting your own time now too. And don’t get me started on the Guest Star categories, because there’s a long list of people I would happily buy an Emmy for just so I don’t have to see their fucking names repeated umpteen times in those categories. Bitch if you can’t win with one role, you ain’t gonna win with six!
I know the idea of limiting submissions seems to be the antithesis of what I’m arguing about here but trust me, it needs to be done. For the sanity of voters, and myself, submitting shows/people in categories should not just be automatic. It benefits NO ONE! All it does is make it that much harder to find the legitimate ones, thus resulting in more rubber stamping of votes because as I mentioned the ballots are fucking huuuuuuuge. And I’m not just picking on actors here – the writing categories are rife with this kind of shit. Year after year I see multiple episodes submitted for one show, and it’s just maddening. No matter how great your show is there will always be that one episode that you the producer, creator, or fan deem is the best from that season. Submit that one, and that one alone because seriously guys you’re fucking killing me.
Until there is a proper vetting system in place for submissions, ain’t nobody going to take the time to seriously read these long ass ballots I don’t care how you order them.
Three Wins An You’re Out
This is my own rule, and probably the only one that would/could actually make a difference. If ______ wins three years in a row, you are no longer allowed to submit. End of story. Much like the over submitting thing, this “keep on winning til I lose” thing benefits no one. And yes, I am talking about Julia Louis Dreyfuss in particular here. I’ve said it before – I love her, I love Veep – BUT COME ON! How many fucking awards do you need? What is she doing with all of them??? Is she building an Emmy fort to fend off a potential zombie apocalypse, because I can’t think of anything else you could do with that many fucking Emmys.
There have been many people in the past who have taken themselves out of contention – Candice Bergen and Kelsey Grammar come to mind immediately, they won a bunch of awards and then went “I’m bored of this!”. So instead of requiring that from people, just do it for them. It doesn’t mean your performance or show is any less fantastic than it was a year ago – it just gives others a chance to shine. Ellie Kemper should totally have a fucking Emmy in her hand by now for Kimmy Schmidt, and yes she’s nominated again this year, along with Tracee Ellis Ross for black-ish, but neither are going to win! Why? Because voters love rubber stamping winners more than they love rubber stamping nominees.
Until we actually do this, your work Emmy pool remains easy to win.
Ain’t Nobody Got Money For That
Let’s face facts, the entertainment industry is a business, and business means money. This year’s Emmy campaigns started earlier than normal, with some FYC ads appearing in trades and online as early as February, and was also the most expensive season to date. Netflix for one plowed millions into campaigns for their various shows, which after looking at the list of nominees clearly worked out for them. Considering the fact that most studios and networks have upwards of fifteen shows to campaign for this automatically puts them at a disadvantage when pitted against their streaming/cable brethren who only have a handful of shows they deem worthy. Even in an ideal world though, where everyone is on the same level, it still comes down to who gets out there first or last. I’ve been in LA during the run up to Emmy nomination voting, and it is a myriad of billboards, events, none stop pop ups and all around “Look at me!!!” antics. Can you imagine the sheer overload voters would experience if every network and studio tried to be in their face ALL THE TIME!? You can only see so much before you start experiencing a snow-blindness effect.
Until there’s a cap put on the amount studios/networks can spend on FYC campaigns the ones with the least amount to promote will always prevail, because they have more money to spend per show and more time to concentrate on each individual campaign.
Game Of Numbers
We all know there’s a distinct difference between network television shows and streaming and cable shows. And if you were about to answer with “Yeah network shows suck” – just know I’m on my way to your house right now to punch you squarely in the fucking throat! Possibly repeatedly.
I’m talking about the episode numbers. Network shows, for the most part, make anywhere between 19 and 24 episodes PER SEASON. Cable and streaming produce between 8 and 15. Bitches this isn’t fair! Add to the mix that network shows are constantly at the mercy of the September-May cycle and things get even more unfair! Think about it, Silicon Valley has months to write their episodes and can premiere whenever they feel like it, so if this season doesn’t seem up to standard they can push the premiere date back to make changes, or re-shoot things that aren’t working. The Middle, on the other hand, is hitting your television screen on [insert fall premiere date here] whether that episode is ready or not.
With all that in mind a lot of people think it would be best to split categories down the middle and base them off episode runs. If you have less than say, 18 episodes you go over here, and anything with more than 18 episodes goes here. Sounds really good doesn’t it? HA! Well, it wouldn’t be that simple for a few reasons. Firstly, we’ve seen in the past how studios/networks play the game when it comes to submitting potential nominees. Orange Is The New Black anyone? Yeah the hey-let’s-be-a-drama-oh-wait-now-we’re-a-comedy-show that really kicked off a lot of the Emmy voting scrutiny is a fine example of this. Netflix played the game to ensure OITNB would not only be nominated but would win! And things wouldn’t be much different if a min-episode rule was to be introduced. Studios would get savvy and just add an additional say 3 episodes to their schedule if they feel they had no chance winning in the other category. And again – this is so not fucking fair! Are we honoring the best in television, or are we rewarding the sneaky fuckers who can best manipulate the system? Because as of late, it’s definitely the latter.
The other problem with an episode count based category is that even if all the wonderful network shows that repeatedly get overlooked were to get some recognition – they’d still be overshadowed by the less than 18 category. I mean the Outstanding Drama Series is still referred to as Emmy’s most prestigious award. What about Outstanding Comedy Series? Those people work just as hard, if not harder, to make you laugh every week and yet it’s still considered the less important award, and it would be no damn different for the 18+ category – because in the eyes of academy voters streaming and cable is always “better”.
Until voters stop the blatant ignorance towards network television NONE of this will ever be fair, or work.
New Additions
One thing that really gets on critics, and viewers, nerves is the lack of credit given to specialty genres such as super hero and just plain out of left field shows, and I agree. For all the love and devotion voters seemingly have to streaming platforms, shows like Jessica Jones and Luke Cage have repeatedly been ignored in all categories. Why? It’s once again down to voters being voters. While I don’t know the exact age demos of voters, I’ll hazard to guess there’s still a higher percentage of baby boomers casting votes than any other generation. And these are the people that are more likely than not to quantify a show like Jessica Jones as a “kid’s show” just because it has a Marvel banner above it’s name, or ignore a wonderfully eccentric show such as Once Upon A Time because of it’s title. They’re also the least likely to get on board anything that isn’t tried and tested – hence why shows like Modern Family or House of Cards are still being nominated despite their clear drop in quality. So in light of this, again, people are calling for a separate category for this type of show. And again, this sounds like it would work, right? Nope. It won’t, and for a lot of the same reasons that the episode count categories won’t work. We’d have studios playing the game, “hey this episode had an element of supernatural – let’s put it in that category this year!”. Ugh. Fuck. Off. I can’t stress this enough, studios and individuals can not be allowed to submit whatever they want, where ever they want.
Until there are clear and cut rules as to what constitutes a comedy, a drama or a super natural show (And NO I’m not talking episode length rules because that’s a whole other farce!) this will just become another category that studios use to their advantage thus muddying the waters even more and leaving deserving shows out in the cold.
Create A Voting Board
A small percentage of people get to vote for the Emmys, and some would like to see that pool of people cut down even farther. Currently only academy members can vote, and even then you are limited to the categories you can vote in. Writers vote for writers, actors for actors, blah blah you get the point, but some people reckon it would be best to create a voting board consisting of a small pool of people who vote in all categories. The thought behind this is that those people would be responsible for watching as much of the submitted shows as they can and form and honest and fair list of nominees, and then after that – winners. This Cannes style voting system sounds like a sure fire way to ensure every show gets a fair chance. But this would only work in an ideal world. For starters you have the problem of figuring out who is on this voting board, and again we come back to the demos problem. I would assume people who have been in the academy for years would be given preference, but unless the board is made up of equal parts baby boomers, gen X-ers and millennials you’re never going to have a fair and balanced voting system.
Then there comes the problem that Hollywood has a favoritism/nepotism and all around biased problem. Much like I was saying about their devotion to streaming, people are very much devoted to certain shows and people – and this is something I can understand. We all have favorites, and friends, or people we want to see get recognition and I feel those loyalties, or whatever you wish to call them, would only become more prominent should the voter pool be whittled down. As it stands there are thousands upon thousands of voters, so any form of true favoritism is likely knocked on the head since I can’t see even the most brilliant actor or show being the sure fire fave of tens of thousands of people.
Until you can guarantee people are voting with their heads, and not with their pockets or hearts, this will always be a problem.
We’re Basically Screwed
That’s the way it seems, yes. I realize this rant is rather a bleak journey through the television industry but it’s definitely something that needed to be put out there. Year after year there is what I call “Emmy Fallout” where people claim the system is broken, and as you can see it very much is, but that doesn’t mean all is lost.
For myself Emmy nomination time is quickly followed by a moment of “why the hell do I want to do this?”, as I see so many deserving shows completely ignored (again and again), but after a few days of crying, sulking and ranting to friends and family I feel better. I realize that I’m not the only one who’s pissed off with the system, and I realize that I, along with so many others can take what pisses us off and try and change things. I’m a firm believer that as more and more people from the fandom-generations get into power in Hollywood the more things will even out, but until that day comes we just have to deal with the fact that this shit isn’t fair.
Should I Still Watch?
If you want. I know most people have completely lost interest in the awards show thing, most likely due to it not being a proper reflection of what’s popular right now – but you do have admit what’s great isn’t always what’s popular. Even after this rant and my absolute hatred of the Emmys, chances are I’ll tune in for a bit – if for no other reason than to see the few nominees I love have their moment on the red carpet. And as a fangirl, I guess that’s all I can ask for.
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