Last week Sony Pictures Entertainment chief Michael Lynton announced his departure from the studio after 13 years to take the reigns of Snapchat company Snap, and with rumors flying as to who will replace him I’d like to take this opportunity to write an open letter to Sony themselves explaining why I should get the job.
Dear Sony,
You’ve had a rough few years haven’t you? Well, 2017 has only just started and this can be the year you return to form as a great source of entertainment. So please, allow me to make my case as to why I should be the one to lead you towards that bright light..
I love television, and let’s face facts the SPT side of things is clearly the money maker right now, so why aren’t you investing more time and energy into it? I would, and I will if you give me the chance. You have two of the top dramas – Better Call Saul and Outlander, and the #3 comedy on television with The Goldbergs – sooooo let’s get them out there. Get behind your established shows with marketing, merch, events, whatever and keeping nurturing and supporting up and coming projects. I like you Sony but you have a tendency to make a show, ensure it’s profitable and then just walk away, leaving it to fend for itself like fucking overturned turtle on the 405. Which is why, I’m warning you now, I’ll be allocating a significant budget towards Awards FYC campaigns and events for all shows, because your lack of action in recent years has been appalling! Just remember, television is no longer the bastard child of the entertainment world it once was and I think you need a top exec that remembers that…
This guy would rather be watching a Sony Pictures Television show right now.. I just know it.
But wait! I love movies too! Yeah, I’m not just a TV devotee; I also enjoy a great trip the the cinema but let’s face facts guys your recent crop of feature films have been.. ahem.. shit. Wait, no. I take that back – everything but Ghostbusters: Answer the Call has been shit. Were you seriously expecting to turn a profit with Sauasage Party? I saw it, and if I get this job my first duty on day one is to refund everyone who paid hard earned cash to see that steaming pile of failure…and don’t even get me started on The Emoji Movie. Really, guys? FUCK-ING REAL-LY!!??!?! I don’t even have a sufficient emoji for how I feel about this ludicrous decision. (If I did though, I’m sure it would involve a gun shot and my face, or some form of self harm and mutilation.) Either way you need to find your way out of Camp Harebrained on into the Green Valley of Distinction – but don’t worry I know the way! It doesn’t even require Google Maps or Uber either, just a second thought on all things that cross your desks.
Oh look, they do have one…
I’m a writer, so I get the creative process. I’ve read many an interview where film makers, and show runners are complaining that the studio execs just “don’t get it” as they supply them with endless notes, changes and in some cases – plot lines. That wouldn’t be the case with me. I’d by all means stand by my promise to make top quality films/shows but I would allow the creators to shepherd their vision as they see fit. I’d offer advice, constructive criticism and ideas when needed. After all we’ve already invested money into so-and-so’s project when we gave them the green light, so why wouldn’t we trust them to see it through to the end?
I’m not just creative either…
I see things from both the fan and executive side too! Having been a devoted reader of all the trades since I was in elementary school I know what really happens at the studio level, and I can also bring ideas that would not only benefit the studio and talent but also the fans. We do care what the fans think remember, because they’re the ones that watch our shows and go to our films – so please let’s stop alienating them or just disregarding their opinions and wants.
Which leads me into this point…..
We could be the first studio to actually solve the problem of piracy. Or at very least be the first to take the steps in the right direction. Now, you may not know this – but I’m not American. I know, I’m upset about it myself but it has proved to be quite informative… Having lived in two countries that are not America I bring with me an enormous amount of knowledge about the dreaded P word. Did you know that most people are willing to pay for a show or film, if given the chance? Yeah. It’s true. The only reason piracy exists, or for the most part anyway, is because said item is not legally available in that person’s home country. Now if only there was a magical way to get rid of all types of region blocking, and give people the ability to watch what they want when they want it.. OH SHIT! THERE IS! And I’ll be getting that ball rolling as soon as I complete the previously mentioned refunds. And sure you can still use the UltraViolet name.. you did work really hard on that.
Try looking at this every damn time you try and watch something. You too would pirate things.
Lastly, and most importantly – I LOVE this industry. Like 100% obsessively love. I’d stalk it with flowers, love notes and teddy bears if I could. I’ve never wanted to work anywhere else but Hollywood…ever. Not even a momentary blip of “hey astronomy looks cool!”. Nope, screw that it’s Hollywood or bust for me! I’m the geek who spends their days and nights pouring over deals, ideas and projects. I keep spreadsheets and notebooks about ratings, and follow pilot season like it’s a sporting event, and I do all that not because I have to because I want to. Wouldn’t you rather have someone with that kind of passion and determination in charge as opposed to someone who’s just in it for the money?
Will work for pizza. Just slide it under the door of my office. Oh and 7-11 Slurpees!
So come on Sony give me a chance. What have you got to lose? Absolutely nothing. You give me six months to run the studio as I see fit, and if at the end of that time we’re no better off then you fire me. Done deal. I’ll walk away quietly and you move on to your previous top choice.
Think it over, and I’ll just write up a few more ideas.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Your future exec,
Ash
PS: Before I forget? Can I have pets in my office?
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